Oh, Brother!
by Zero Assoluto 18
Summary: Yuuri and Wolfram's heated debate on who is the best brother. Warning: beware of the MAJOR OOCness. [Pairing: implied? ConradShori]


Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maou.

* * *

**Oh, Brother**

It just sort of happened between His Majesty and his fiancé. They were talking about one thing and then Yuuri said one thing and then Wolfram argued his point and Yuuri retaliated and Wolfram heatedly countered and… this.

"No one," Wolfram said through gritted teeth, "And I mean NO ONE will ever be as good as Lord Weller in terms of swordmanship! If Gwendal and I can't even best him, then your brother can't best him either!"

Yuuri let out an undignified snort. "That's because you haven't seen Shori with a sword yet! You weren't around yesterday when Shori beat Conrad with his magnificent skills!"

"I don't need to see it to know that you're lying!" Wolfram heated up. "There is no way Conrad would lose to your wimpy brother!"

"Hey! Shori isn't a wimp!"

"The brother of a wimp is a wimp too! It's in the blood!"

"Oh? Is that so! Then _your_ brother, and by that I mean Conrad, is as much of a stubborn clout as you are! You two are so stubborn I can't even reason with you! The only difference between you two is that _you_ get angry and _he_ keeps smiling like an idiot!"

"Did you just call Conrad an idiot?!"

"Yes, I did! And so are you! You are one too!"

"I'll never forgive you, Yuuri… how dare you call my brother an idiot!"

"And how dare you call _my brother_ a wimp! I'll have you know that Shori has an IQ above 200 and he is a Tokyo University student and he is not a wimp!"

"And I'll have you know that Conrad is the best swordsman in the country and he was only 30 when he was promoted to the rank of _captain_ and he is not an idiot!"

"Shori can cook!"

"Conrad can change diapers!'

"Shori can speak Latin!"

"Conrad can speak Ancient Mazoku!"

"Shori can finish mathematical equations in 10 seconds!"

"Conrad can disarm a battalion in _9 _seconds!"

"Shori is EXTREMELY HANDSOME – especially with those glasses of his – and girls like him a lot even though he plays too many video games!"

"Conrad is BEYOND GORGEOUS – especially with that smile of his – and girls like him a lot too even though he's too busy to notice!"

"Your Conrad doesn't even like girls, you idiot!"

"And your Shori doesn't like them either, you wimp!"

"Are you implying that my brother is a homosexual?!"

"No more than you implied that _my brother_ is one too!!!"

"SHORI LIKES GIRLS! HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND ON EARTH!"

"WELL CONRAD LIKES GIRLS TOO! HE LIKES JULIA!"

"But since you insist that a guy _has to be_ like his brother – it's in the blood, you see, as you said – then your dear brother Conrad doesn't like girls because YOU DON'T LIKE GIRLS, WOLFRAM! You like ME!"

"HAHA! Guess again, wimp! You like ME too and that's why Shori likes Conrad so much that he tries to kiss him the other day!"

"No way! Shori would never do that!"

"Yes way! And as if Conrad would want to have Shori!"

"He would! Because Shori is the best!"

"No. Shori is not the best. Conrad is."

"Shori is!"

"Conrad!"

"SHORI!"

"CONRAD!"

"I'll punish you with water, Wolfram! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY _ONIICHAN_!"

"And I'll punish you with fire too, Yuuri! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY _ANI-UE_!"

An explosion of fire and water would have erupted in the garden where the two young men were fighting if it hadn't been for the appearance of the subjects of their argument and arrival of a whole bunch of other people. Both Shori and Conrad had arrived much earlier, of course, but they didn't make themselves known to the king and the prince because they had been too shocked to hear their brothers' argument. They still were. So it was Gwendal who had come between Yuuri and Wolfram to stop them from killing each other.

"If you dare unleash your elements on each other," Gwendal said icily, "I will make sure _my_ element bury you deep inside this earth where."

That effectively put a stop to Yuuri and Wolfram's intentions of hurting each other with their elements. But they were not done yet. Yuuri and Wolfram started with the verbal row once again and everybody's ears started ringing again.

"Gunter! Get me a knife! I want to challenge Wolfram to a duel!"

"There's no need for cutlery, wimp! I'll take you on right now!"

As Wolfram unsheathed his sword, Yuuri picked up Morgif from a nearby bench. The two of them pointed their swords at each other and were poised to attack. It promised to be a real bloodbath. Thankfully, someone – or rather, _two people_ shouted…

"HOLD UP!"

Yuuri and Wolfram had no chance to react. The next thing they knew they were being held back respectively by Shori and Conrad.

"Let go of me, you big oaf!" both Yuuri and Wolfram shouted at their respective brothers. "I'm about to avenge your honor!"

"There is no need!" Shori shouted back. At the same time Conrad yelled, "I don't need you to avenge anything!"

"But, _oniichan_," Yuuri started to Shori, "That blonde brat insulted you!"

But Shori only gave Yuuri a little smile. "Which is probably a good thing," Shori said softly to Yuuri.

"What?! How could you say that?! He really said some bad things about _you_!"

Shori's face broke into a rare wide grin and then nodded at Wolfram and Conrad. Yuuri turned to see them and gaped as he witnessed a miracle for Wolfram was hugging Conrad as if he was hanging on to dear life itself and… was that a sob escaping from Wolfram's mouth? And as for Conrad… he didn't bother hiding the fact that his eyes were glazed from the budding tears in the corners of his eyes…

"Yuuri was really mean to you, _ani-ue_," Wolfram complained to Conrad. "You would think that he would say nice things to you because you two are always together! But no… he insulted you thoroughly and I just can't have someone insulting my brother like that!"

"It's all right, Wolfram," Conrad said, "I'm sure His Majesty didn't mean that. Didn't you also say mean things about Shori?"

"But _he_ started it! Aren't you angry at all?!"

"No, I'm not," Conrad answered. When Wolfram looked up to him confusedly, Conrad smiled affectionately at his brother and said, "I probably have to thank His Majesty. If he did start this fight then I'm glad. Because in the end… this fight made you admit that I'm your brother. Thank you, Wolfram."

Wolfram had suddenly realized that he did do all that. And not to mention… HE WAS HUGGING CONRAD!!! He gaped in shock at this fact. Conrad, immediately sensing that Wolfram was about to retract everything he said earlier so in a rather smug smile, said loudly to Wolfram, "No taking back what you said! You called me _ani-ue_ and that's that! You heard that, didn't you, Gwendal?"

In an exasperated tone but with a small smile tugging at his lips, Gwendal concurred. "Of course I heard everything. I think even Antoine in Francshire and Ryan and Keiji in the desert of Svellera heard that. He practically shouted it to the world."

Wolfram paled in shock and tried to break himself free from Conrad but it was too late. Their mother, who so far had only been a spectator along with Gunter, Yozak, Murata, Cecilie, Anissina, Greta, Gisela, Dacascos, Doria, Sangria, Lazania and about 100 other people, left the crowd of people to join her sons. She practically ran to reach them and when she did she hugged all three of them in her arms.

She was squealing, "I am _so _happy! All my three sons acknowledge each other! How lovely! We must have a party!"

"Let me go!" Wolfram wailed to no avail. The more he tried to break free, the tighter Cecilie and Conrad hugged him just for the fun of it.

Shori turned to Yuuri and said, "See, Yuuri, that's why I'm not angry either. You finally called me 'onii-chan', didn't you? And that, dear brother, is what I want. Now I can die happy."

Yuuri blushed too. He only just realized that he called Shori 'onii-chan'. If it hadn't been for this argument, he would probably never use the word at all! Unlike Wolfram, who quickly returned to denial mode, however, Yuuri finally smiled sheepishly and nodded at Shori, who smiled back. The two brothers gazed each other affectionately and the world seemed to be at peace when suddenly…

"But you got one thing wrong."

"I did?" Yuuri asked curiously.

Shori pushed his glasses upwards and said tersely, "I don't like girls."

"Oh, you don't? Hahaha…" Yuuri had started laughing but when Shori's words finally fully registered in his mind, he stopped dead. He gaped at Shori and asked, "WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"

Shori crossed his arms across his chest and calmly informed Yuuri, "I like Conrad." As an afterthought he added, "And Conrad likes me."

"WHAAAAAAAAT?!"

—end—

* * *

Author's Note:

1. (I know it's boring when people say this but...) This is my first Kyou Kara Maou fic.

2. Why this story? Because I'm tired of seeing Shori and Conrad not getting the love they deserve from their stubborn little brothers! Can't those two see that Shori and Conrad are amazing brothers?!

3. I'm a Shori fan. GO, SHORI!

4. I'm probably in the minority but I support the Conrad/Shori pairing. A lot. It's the only other Conrad pairing I like other than Conrad/Yozak. (Laugh).

5. I don't know how to properly spell Lazania's name. Lasagna? Lazagna? What?


End file.
